Know that the church is the bride of Christ. Every minister is to be a servant of Christ. Christian ordination to the ministry does not require a rejection of intimate relationships with the human family. Both church and pastor will best relate to each other while jointly fulfilling a God-given mission if the biblical identity of each is maintained. Please do not accept the existence of a pastor-congregation relationship that is clearly objectionable ideologically.
Be realistic in your expectation of ministers. One Sunday evening prior to leading a service of worship in a deep-South city, Carlyle Marney met with the pastoral search committee (then called ‘pulpit committee’) of the congregation. Having spent an hour listening to members of that committee discuss their expectations for a new pastor, Marney announced to the worshipers, ‘I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is that you have a fine pulpit committee. The bad news is that there are no more thirty-five-year-old ex-Confederate generals available!’
Ridiculous? Sure. But no more ridiculous than other pastor-related expectations that never get challenged. (‘Our pastor will help our church to grow numerically, increase its budget, better supervise the staff, revise its committee structure, and more efficiently conduct its business. Of course, our pastor also will need to pay attention to shut-ins, be present in crises, visit the hospitals, serve as a leader in the community, be available for counselling, remain biblically and theologically astute, teach Sunday school classes, join social functions among the members, and preach sermons that are powerful, substantive, and short.’) Please do not set up your pastor for failure. Some congregations call a pastor to do the work of several people, to guarantee what cannot be guaranteed, to serve as a stand-in for God.
Remember that perfect pastors are as difficult to find as perfect parishioners. Even if you think you have a perfect pastor at first, be assured you are wrong. Only human beings are available for the pastorate. Imperfection is a certainty. Expect mistakes, failures, and sins, and pledge to be understanding, supportive, and forgiving. Treat your pastor with at least as much tolerance and care as you would a member of your human family or a prospective church member known to be very wealthy.
Realize that no minister, whether pastor or other staff member, can meet all your needs or all your church’s needs. In fact, students of human relations tell us that no one person can meet all the needs of any other person. Pastors are persons.
Praise your pastor for taking time off as well as for working hard and for efforts that failed as well as for programs that succeeded. You can best know your pastor’s needs in this regard by looking at your own needs.
Dismiss, desist from, and forget both the language and the attitude of ‘hiring’ a pastor.’ Think and speak of your pastor as a colleague in ministry. Sure, the congregation pays its pastor’s salary. A congregation certainly may ‘fire’ a pastor. But no congregation ever should be able to buy a pastor. Prophets and priests are not for hire.
Insist that your pastor participate in regularly scheduled experiences of continuing education and relaxation. Everyone, pastor and congregation, will benefit from these times. If the pastor becomes so busy as to assume such experiences must be delayed or ignored, be a minister-friend and challenge that view. Faithfulness in this area is just as crucial as compliance with any part of a pastor’s job description.
Do not promise what cannot be delivered–to the pastor through the pastor. Honestly brief a prospective pastor on what legitimately can be expected from the congregation. If you cannot be precise, understate, rather than overstate, expected benefits, and overstate, rather than understate, possible problems. Also, please refrain from making a pastor responsible for the fulfillment of unrealistic promises made by the church to the community or to any group of people in it.
Allow the pastor the same freedom enjoyed by others in deciding about sacrifice. Sacrifices should not be imposed on the pastor. The fact that a person functions within a ‘holy calling’ is not an adequate reason to take advantage of that person.
Practice love and grace. As much as possible rid yourselves of the ‘but’ that precedes a compromise of New Testament principles and practices. Refuse to be satisfied with your church or to give yourself to any other priority within your church until your church can exist as a community of love and grace. At stake is your basic identity–the church as just another community agency with commendable progress and services or the church as a fellowship of the people of God. Do not expect the community to understand the depth of your forgiveness, the breadth of your acceptance, or the greatness of your open heart. Of course, a church practicing love and grace is not for the good of the pastor but for obedience to Christ, for the benefit of all who need its ministry, and for the glory of God.
From C. Welton Gaddy, A Soul Under Siege: Surviving Clergy Depression, (Westminster/John Knox Press, 1991), 162-165